Tuesday, May 26, 2009


To say I'm disappointed in the California State Supreme Court's ruling regarding the discriminatory Proposition 8 is an understatement. Yes, the court ruled - for the most part - against equality. Go here for the full story.

How can denying someone equality be considered justice? How can saying that 18,000 people have the right to be married under the law and that thousands of others don't is equality? It is is not. It is, plain and simple, DISCRIMINATION. Repeat after me - DISCRIMINATION.

And that, dear readers, is all I have the energy for right now. I don't have the energy to rant and rave against the INJUSTICE served to the GLBT Community today. I don't have the ability to organize my thoughts and provide a thought provoking blog post. I just have a huge, huge amount of disappointment that is so frakkinly overwhelming!

I mean, seriously, people, get a life and get a clue. Justice doesn't exist for everybody in the United States. Equality doesn't exist either. And I . . . I . . . just don't know any more. What's the point? How long should the GLBT Community sit idly by as we are openly discriminated against time and time again? How long should we hope for resolution when it is obvious that resolution only exists for heterosexual people? At what point do we just give up?

We don't. We keep on fighting for EQUALITY! We keep on fighting for JUSTICE. We keep on fighting against blatant, outright, oppressive DISCRIMINATION. We do what we must, we fight the fight, and we keep on going. Why?

I'll tell you why. No, wait, I'll let Catherine Cash Spellman tell you why by using a quote from her book Bless the Child . . .

"What will I do?" she cried into the hot desert wind.

"You will fight against Fate and the Devil and the world and God and everybody, if you must! That's where the dignity lies. You can't control what they do to you. Only what you do in return. This is no fair game we've been sent to play here. Hateful things happen. People die. People suffer. People are born with no limbs, no sight, no hearing. Courage! That's all there is!"

We must have courage and we must continue the fight for EQUALITY. We cannot give up in the face of obvious DISCRIMINATION and INJUSTICE. We must have . . . courage!


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Best Interest of a Child

When did we lose our right to decide what is best . . . for ourselves, and our children? Okay, I don't have any children, but . . .

It's been all over the news about a mother who didn't want chemotherapy for her son. A judge (thus, my question) ruled that her son must receive the chemotherapy. The mother has since fled with her son rather than submit him to the chemotherapy.

Isn't that her right? Shouldn't a parent have the final say about the best interest of his/her child? Why shouldn't this mother be allowed to seek alternative therapy for her son's condition? What right does a judge (any court for that matter) have to decide that a mother's decision is not in the best interest of a child?

Chemotherapy works . . . in some instances. Chemotherapy is also very aggressive. Some people choose not to take chemotherapy. My friend and co-worker Frances was one of those people. Five years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer which metastasized to the bones. They doctor gave her 5 to 10 years to live. At first, she was gung ho about the chemo. After receiving chem for a time, Frances made the choice to stop all treatments. You see, the treatment was worse than the disease itself. This was her choice, and one I firmly believe she was allowed to make.

Frances was a fighter. Eventually, the doctor gave her 3 to 6 months to live. Ha! Frances beat those odds. In the end, after more than 4 1/2 years battling her cancer - with the most upbeat attitude I've ever seen - she passed from this life into the next. She died fighting, to the very end. She died with her wishes - no chemo - honored by all those who loved her.

So, why should a judge, even if he thinks it is in the best interest of the child, demand that a child go through chemo. Does the judge have any clue how devastating chemo is? Does he have any clue about some of the consequences of chemo?

I seriously don't know, and don't care. I just think that if parents wish to seek alternative treatment for their children, and if the consequences have been explained to the child, then they should be allowed to do so. We are not a third world country. His parents - at least in my opinion - are not monsters. They are just trying to do what they think is best for their child.

So, the mother and child are on the run, an arrest warrant has been issued, and the freedoms we are allegedly allowed in this country (at least for this mother and child) are seriously in doubt.

In the end, if it were me, and no seeking treatment was what I thought was the best decision for me, I would hope that my decision would be honored.

I'm just saying . . .

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

To Out or Not to Out, That is the QUESTION!!!

This morning, my email buddy asked the following question: Did you see the clip of the newscaster from DC during a discussion of outing politicians?

My initial response before doing the YouTube thang . . .

Now, here's my thing (I see a blog post in my future) about outing people. Don't do it. Yeah, the politician might be voting against our people and proclaiming how homosexuality is wrong, blah, blah, blah . . . but at what point do we have the right to out somebody. Yes, said politician (or car dealership owner in Nashville) is a hypocrite. Yes, they're wrong in allegedly living a gay life on the side while proclaiming the wrongness of heterosexuality. Hyposhit happens every day. I just don't think anybody has a right to out somebody. Now, after I find the newscast, my opinion might change, but I seriously doubt it. In the end, what is the greater good? Is it outing a politician that has voted against equality for our people? Is it destroying a man's family, devastating the wife, the kids, the parents, in one simple newscast? Would you want a local news reporter to out you? Probably not. Coming to terms with homosexuality is not an easy road. You and I have been there, done that, and have the multiple t-shirts. People lose their families, more often than not, when they come out (and who the heck came up with that term in the first place??). Very few people (okay, Frank is an exception) come bursting out of the closet wearing a sparkly dress, tiara, and open-toed silver pumps, saying Hey, Girls! Sorry, but snark was necessary at this point. The fact is, that no matter the hypocrites that continue to flaunt their faux heterosexuality for all the world to see, while cheating on their waves with male interns, the outing of anybody needs to be done by one person: the gay man trying to come to terms with his/her genetic make-up. That's just my feeling on the matter.

Now, since my email response, I have done the YouTube thang, and, well, I kinda agree with the reporter saying that outing people is wrong (see my response above).

Now, the bigger question: Do I think it right for closeted politicians to vote for legislation that openly (or subtly) discriminates against Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered people?

HELL NO! I think it's wrong. Plain and simple . . . WRONG! Should those politicians be outed in a film? No - again, see above about the rough road of coming out. Nobody, no matter what, should have be forced to come out of the closet until they are damn good and ready. It takes time to get the tiara positioned just right on your head for such a dramatic entrance into the world. It takes time to come terms with this is how God made me, this is who I am.

My coming out wasn't an easy thang. I struggled for years with who I was. Heck, it took my sister twelve years to talk to me about my being gay. She knew for twelve (well, I'm sure she knew longer than that) years, after my conversation with my mother about being gay, that I was gay, and yet she didn't say anything for twelve years. Such is life. Still, the process wasn't easy. And no, it wasn't a choice for the allegedly ignorant who still believe homosexuality is a choice. My sexuality is genetics, the way I was born. Enough said.

Now, back to the outting of politicians, celebrities, and whoever. Enough is enough. No family needs to find out that daddy/mommy is gay by hearing about it on the local news. No parent needs to find out their son/daughter is gay by getting a phone call from Mrs. Kravitz next door who happened to see it on the news.

I understand Mike Roger's (the filmmaker) frustration. I understand his outrage at the blatant hypocrisy going on in Washington, DC. I'm right there with you, man. But I'm also right there with Doug McKelway (the outraged reporter) in his feeling that outing is an invasion of personal privacy. What people do in their bedrooms, or bathroom stalls, or in the park, or wherever, is their own personal business. It does not need to be fodder for a documentary.

Lastly, outrage aside, the gay community needs to unite to fight the laws being enacted, rather than out politicians (or whoever) who are still coming to terms with how God made them. I'm just saying . . .


BTW - Frank did not leap out of the closet wearing a sparkly dress, tiara, and open-toed pumps. I just put that in for dramatic effect. Love you, sweetie!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Weighing of Happiness

A dear friend of mine mentioned he missed my blogging on this site, versus my other blog. So, in homage to him . . .

I think sometimes in life we have to weigh our happiness. WTF? Has he lost his mind, you're thinking? WTH is he talking about?

The idea for this post began last week while I was in MA for a work conference. I was talking to a friend of mine who I only see at the conference. I asked her how her beau (boyfriend for those not in the know) was doing, and she kind of shrugged her shoulders. Well, let me tell you, that got everybody interested in what was going on with her relationship. In the end, as much as she loves him, she's just not totally happy in the relationship.

My response: who is? Nobody has a perfect relationship. There is not a perfect relationship . . . anywhere. Still, the conversation made me think. We talked some more, and I told her that sometimes, love is not enough. We can love someone deeply, yet that doesn't mean a relationship is going to survive.

I continued to think about our conversation and sent her an email Monday morning as follows:

I think sometimes in life we have to weigh our happiness. You’re thinking . . . WTH??? I’m thinking about our conversation in the bar Tuesday night about relationships. Perfect relationships do not exist. Every relationship takes work and compromise on the part of the people involved. There comes a point when we question whether we want to still be in the relationship or not. It is at that point, at least for me, that people need to weigh their happiness. Or, just ask yourself one simple question: Am I more unhappy in this relationship, than happy? Okay, there’s another question: Does my partner in this relationship get on my nerves more often than not? Well, there are probably a gazillion other questions you could ask yourself. In the end, it’s about what is best for you as a person. Follow your heart and do what’s best for you. Sometimes, love is not enough.

Relationships are not simple. Life is not simple. In no way am I encouraging my friend to dump her boyfriend. What I am trying to do, is to encourage her to delve beneath the surface and really examine the relationship.

Sometimes, people get/stay together for all the wrong reasons. Another dear friend of mine, again one I only see at the conference, made the comment that she misses the companionship of being in a relationship. For me, at least, that is not a reason to be unhappy the majority of the time. It is also not a reason to get involved with somebody. Gee, I'm lonely, he's kind of cute, and even if we don't find happily ever after, at least he'll be there when I get home at the end of the day. Heck, if you want that kind of relationship, get a dog. They're always glad to see you! I'm just saying . . . I'm also not trying to diminish/dismiss my friend's concern about loneliness. I understand loneliness. I've been there, done that, and have multiple t-shirts. I just want something more out of life than a companion.

I'm lucky enough to be in a great relationship. My beloved partner, who worships the quicksand I walk upon, makes me smile/laugh every single day. You just never know what's going to come out of Frank's mouth. Really, people, minds out of the gutter. Do we have problems? Yes. As I've said before, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But, when I weigh my happiness, it's far heavier than my unhappiness at certain points in the relationship. That, dear readers, is what I mean about the weighing of happiness.