Thursday, February 16, 2006

Nothing New to Rant About, So . . .

I really have nothing new to rant about at the moment, so I thought I'd just provide an update on my life. I know, probably very few people out there give a rat's hairy @$$, but that's the genius of blogs: you can write what you want, when you want, and you really don't care if the audience is interested or not. Is that too cynical? Too harsh, perhaps? Probably so, but it is one of those days where I'm on a roll.

Valentine's day has come and gone. The chocolates are half-eaten (if not totally gone) and the flowers are wilting, soon to be gone. The cards have been put away and the obligatory sex is done. The stores already have the St. Pat's items out, the marketing frenzy begins anew. Holidays have no meaning any more, it's all about shopping, going to the store. Oh, someone help me, I've begun to rhyme.

Okay, forget Valentine's Day, and holdiays past and future yet to come. Life is pretty good right now. Some personal doubts have been set aside and resolved for now. There is a sense of hope, and relief, as I continue with my life. My writing is going well. I have completed the edit/revise of the first 17 chapters of the current manuscript I am working on. I cannot believe that almost three months have passed since I began the edit process, and only four months have passed since I began work on this current project. It all began with National Novel Writing Month: 30 days, 50,000 words. It was a simple goal. I exceeded the limit by 250 words with 2 days to spare. I wrote what I call the 'shell' of a novel in those 30 days: beginning, middle and end. I created/crafted characters and situations, told a story, and answered all questions posed. The last 2 1/2 months have been spent refining what I wrote, adding characters and situations, and fleshing out the story so it makes more sense. There have been major deletions as well, and major revisions of certain locations. I have added over 20,000 words to the initial 50,000, and there will probably be at least 10,000 more words before all is said and done.

I guess what is most scary for me right now is what to do when I finish the process. Will I get up the nerve to search for a publisher? Will I just file it away with countless other manuscripts?

The simple answers are: yes and no. I am determined to succeed. I don't know why this year is different. I just know that the days of fear have to end sometime, and that time is now, rather than next year or the next. I might well fail. I might be told my writing is crap. So many things might happen, but I can no longer sit back and do nothing with my writing. I have to try. If I fail, so be it, because there is always the next time and the next time and the next time and the next time . . . and I hope you get the point by now.

Life is not about living in the future. It is about living in the present. Today. Not tomorrow, for tommorow might not come. I look at the stack of disks and CDs, the typed pages filing up storage box after storage box, of my writing, and I realize I should have done something long ago. I just don't think I was ready back then. My writing has changed so much over the course of the years. I needed the time to hone my talent, to find confidence in myself and my writing. I needed to have others read my writing and give me their comments, both good and bad. I have done that and now my excuses 'not to' do something are gone. In the famous words from 'Rent', there's only now!